... from the mouth of the youngest yesterday. Why, you ask? Because I never, ever, get to use the bathroom alone. I explained that I do not have a penis, because mommy is a girl, and girls do not have a penis. "Oh yes they do!" was the come back, and as my child has never been to a Thai strip club, I could assure him that no, girls do not have penises. What we do have, in fact, is a "fa-china" as his older brothers told him quite emphatically.
This makes the 3rd and final time I've had to go thru this discussion. I look forward to when he decides to revisit this topic in public. Say, Sunday around lunchtime, when most everyone is out of church, and at the grocery store. I'm sure that like his two brothers before him, that he will make it a point to ask me if various people have a penis by pointing and loudly asking if they do. There's really nothing quite like the expression of proper Southern Little Old Lady who has just been pointed at at close range by a 3 year old, who in 3 year old volume asks "Does that lady have a penis? Oh wait, I forgot. She has a fa-china."
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Today's Moment of Grace
This afternoon our friend and neighbor was gracious enough to invite us over to play in the pool, during what was a very short break in our monsoon season. The older two were over there having a grand time while I was home during nap time... even managed to get one myself! In any case, later on once everyone was up I headed over with the youngest to join the fun. She and I were doing the grown up bit, sitting at the picnic table while all the kids goof off and have a grand time, chatting about life. She had to run into change her little girl and in those 5 min things fell apart ....and I now know that I would make a lousy lifeguard.
All 4 boys, my 3 and her son, were on this pirate ship float and it flipped, which is typically not a big deal. Only my youngest somehow got his leg caught on part of it, with his head under the heaviest part as well. So he was in full panic, and the boat was pushing him under a wee bit too... and therefore I was in mommy mode panic! Here's where I get super graceful.
I couldn't seem to get out of my flip flops, no clue why, I was running the 10ft and trying to flip them off and it wasn't til I was very close to the pool that I got them off. I'm certain I must have looked a fool trying to run and simultaneously trying to step out of shoes that were determined to stay on. Then I hit the gate... they have a short fence around the pool to keep the kids in or out depending on the day, and it was closed since her little girl was not playing in the pool. Of course, in my panic I could not get the gate open, and for a split second debated jumping it. I stopped, figuring I'd end up jumping into the pool from too far away and breaking a leg, took a breath and got the door open. Meanwhile my little guy is screaming for me, and my adrenalin is pumping. I jumped in, and planned to miss the steps but I didn't... and not only did I not miss them, but I hit the very edge of a step right smack in the middle of my arches on BOTH feet. These steps have a little lip to them for whatever reason and I nailed it, right smack dab in the middle of my feet. He's still screaming and I now TRIP and twist my left ankle pretty decently trying to get off the stairs while the rest of the kids start pummeling me with questions like "do you even have a bathing suit on?" and "why are you jumping in so fast?" and "oh good, are you swimming too?" I grab him, and as his foot is caught up, I almost smack his head on the same steps, so I have to lower him back into the water to free him, all while I'm barely able to stand because I have hurt my feet so damn bad.
I am now sitting here with swollen feet and a semi-swollen ankle, waiting for the Motrin to kick in, answering "mommy why did you jump in the pool in fast-forward?" *sigh*
Pamela Anderson, I am not. No slo-mo runs for me, no graceful dives into the water, and thank God, no cameras, because this afternoon was not one of my best in the grace department.
All 4 boys, my 3 and her son, were on this pirate ship float and it flipped, which is typically not a big deal. Only my youngest somehow got his leg caught on part of it, with his head under the heaviest part as well. So he was in full panic, and the boat was pushing him under a wee bit too... and therefore I was in mommy mode panic! Here's where I get super graceful.
I couldn't seem to get out of my flip flops, no clue why, I was running the 10ft and trying to flip them off and it wasn't til I was very close to the pool that I got them off. I'm certain I must have looked a fool trying to run and simultaneously trying to step out of shoes that were determined to stay on. Then I hit the gate... they have a short fence around the pool to keep the kids in or out depending on the day, and it was closed since her little girl was not playing in the pool. Of course, in my panic I could not get the gate open, and for a split second debated jumping it. I stopped, figuring I'd end up jumping into the pool from too far away and breaking a leg, took a breath and got the door open. Meanwhile my little guy is screaming for me, and my adrenalin is pumping. I jumped in, and planned to miss the steps but I didn't... and not only did I not miss them, but I hit the very edge of a step right smack in the middle of my arches on BOTH feet. These steps have a little lip to them for whatever reason and I nailed it, right smack dab in the middle of my feet. He's still screaming and I now TRIP and twist my left ankle pretty decently trying to get off the stairs while the rest of the kids start pummeling me with questions like "do you even have a bathing suit on?" and "why are you jumping in so fast?" and "oh good, are you swimming too?" I grab him, and as his foot is caught up, I almost smack his head on the same steps, so I have to lower him back into the water to free him, all while I'm barely able to stand because I have hurt my feet so damn bad.
I am now sitting here with swollen feet and a semi-swollen ankle, waiting for the Motrin to kick in, answering "mommy why did you jump in the pool in fast-forward?" *sigh*
Pamela Anderson, I am not. No slo-mo runs for me, no graceful dives into the water, and thank God, no cameras, because this afternoon was not one of my best in the grace department.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Camp
Yesterday I dropped my oldest off at Scout Camp. He's 9.5 now, and while he's been on plenty of sleep over's, the longest I've ever been away from him is when I was in the hospital delivering his brothers. So that being said, yup, I cried, I admit it.
I knew we'd have to do a bit of walking around in the pouring rain at drop off, and it was during the time of the little ones nap, so I conned my friend into keeping the younger two at her place for that time. I was having this vision of the youngest being all he could be because we'd be skipping nap, while the middle one cried about not wanting big brother to go, while we trudged thru the mud and rain... all with me biting my lip so I don't cry too, and figured going alone was a much better idea!
He was so excited, although a bit nervous I could tell. He gets clutzy when he is anxious, starts getting kinda spastic... he managed to drop his brand-new-3-seconds-ago-issued-camp-shirt into the mud, and then about 2 min later slipped in the wet grass as well. I had to be all cool, like it was just no big deal at all for me to drop off my 1st born, to sleep in a tent, alone, having zero communication, and head off.... fa-la-la-la, have fun kiddo! And I did.... but pulling out of the camp I was staring hard at him, almost willing him to spin around and wave but he didn't. *sigh* He's so grown up.
I knew we'd have to do a bit of walking around in the pouring rain at drop off, and it was during the time of the little ones nap, so I conned my friend into keeping the younger two at her place for that time. I was having this vision of the youngest being all he could be because we'd be skipping nap, while the middle one cried about not wanting big brother to go, while we trudged thru the mud and rain... all with me biting my lip so I don't cry too, and figured going alone was a much better idea!
He was so excited, although a bit nervous I could tell. He gets clutzy when he is anxious, starts getting kinda spastic... he managed to drop his brand-new-3-seconds-ago-issued-camp-shirt into the mud, and then about 2 min later slipped in the wet grass as well. I had to be all cool, like it was just no big deal at all for me to drop off my 1st born, to sleep in a tent, alone, having zero communication, and head off.... fa-la-la-la, have fun kiddo! And I did.... but pulling out of the camp I was staring hard at him, almost willing him to spin around and wave but he didn't. *sigh* He's so grown up.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
What would happen if...
This is a question I'm asked all the time with insane expectations, by the little one.
~ Mommy, what would happen if the orange towel was on the floor?
Ummm... the orange towel would be on the floor.
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
~ Mommy, what would happen if I was in time out, my brudder was in time out and my udder brudder was in time out, and you too?
Well, kiddo, that would be nice for me.
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
~ What would happen if a police arrest himself?
They can't do that, if they had to be arrested another policeman would have to do it.
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
~ What would happen if you drove daddy's car?
Umm.... I would drive it I guess? Is this a trick question?
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
Pretty much all of these result in me staring, deer-in-the-headlights type of stare, at my youngest while he asks me over and over "but what would happen?" I am not sure what the answer should be, or what he expects to hear, or truthfully, what on earth he is really asking. Either way, it makes up for about 40% of the qustions I get from him. What would HAPPEN?
~ Mommy, what would happen if the orange towel was on the floor?
Ummm... the orange towel would be on the floor.
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
~ Mommy, what would happen if I was in time out, my brudder was in time out and my udder brudder was in time out, and you too?
Well, kiddo, that would be nice for me.
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
~ What would happen if a police arrest himself?
They can't do that, if they had to be arrested another policeman would have to do it.
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
~ What would happen if you drove daddy's car?
Umm.... I would drive it I guess? Is this a trick question?
~ No, but what would HAPPEN?
Pretty much all of these result in me staring, deer-in-the-headlights type of stare, at my youngest while he asks me over and over "but what would happen?" I am not sure what the answer should be, or what he expects to hear, or truthfully, what on earth he is really asking. Either way, it makes up for about 40% of the qustions I get from him. What would HAPPEN?
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Rain, rain, go away...
I swear I could write one of those "Day 264 of my captivity" type of jokes right now. Seriously, being stuck in a house with 3 boys during what seems to be endless rain is simply mind numbing. I have seen more Phineas and Ferb than I have in a year. I have watched them play Wii for hours, and learned which parts of the games to cringe at over the noise it will make. I have ooo-ed and ah-ed over the numerous Lego builds. I have also broken up too many arguments to count, sat them in time out more than I can remember, and and yelled entirely too much.
Yesterday we got a "new" Wii game, one my oldest had played at a friends house. He got his brothers all hyped about it, and when we managed to find it the excitement that came with it occupied about 8 hours. We broke it up now and then, but seriously, this morning at 7:03 they thought they would start again.... oh to learn such disappointment at such a tender age! Sorry boys, we're taking a break from technology this morning so you can rebuild some brain cells!
Yesterday we got a "new" Wii game, one my oldest had played at a friends house. He got his brothers all hyped about it, and when we managed to find it the excitement that came with it occupied about 8 hours. We broke it up now and then, but seriously, this morning at 7:03 they thought they would start again.... oh to learn such disappointment at such a tender age! Sorry boys, we're taking a break from technology this morning so you can rebuild some brain cells!
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